“I’m going to get some popcorn.” Kyuhyun told Siwon when the taller man returned to his side with two movie tickets in his hand.

“Ok, babe. Get me a cola.” Siwon replied.

“Alrighty!” Kyuhyun bounds off towards the snack stand. Siwon followed him with his eyes, noting with surges of pride of how many heads his lover is turning yet he is totally unaware of the attention he is garnering. Kyuhyun stood in line reading the menu on the large acrylic board when a young man approached me. Siwon frowned but decides to stay back for a while longer.

Kyuhyun and the stranger conversed further and Siwon saw Kyuhyun smiled kindly.

That’s it!

Siwon strode forward. “Babe, I decided I want popcorn too!” He said with too much forced cheer as he wraps his arm possessively around Kyuhyun’s slender waist and pecks his cheek. Turning to the slacked jaw stranger who is still staring at them, Siwon’s face darkened and his eyes challenged the other to stay.

“Erm…thank you for giving me directions.” The young man mumbled hurriedly and scurried away before Kyuhyun could answer. Completely oblivious to what just occurred, Kyuhyun smiled up at Siwon as they moved to the counter to place their orders.

Inside the theater, they huddled close to each other in the topmost corner away from prying eyes. Siwon waited impatiently for the lights to dim and the movie to start because he has plans to ravish his lover’s lips as opposed to actually watching the movie. And so the moment the lights went down, Kyuhyun found Siwon eagerly sorting his lips out even though his mouth is full of popcorn.

“Won ~” He hissed against the hungry lips but Siwon only slides further down and began nuzzling his neck with his nose. Ticklish and slightly aroused, Kyuhyun had to maintain the presence of mind to prevent himself from moaning out loud.

Necking in a dark cinema. Siwon chuckles at his own ingenuity.

Kyuhyun’s breathing is getting audibly rushed as he travels back up to capture his lips again. The younger man is responding with urgency and Siwon knew it’s time to stop or they may end up informing everyone in the theatre of what they are up too. Breaking their kiss, he dips the fingers intertwined in his into the bucket of popcorn and press a cluster of popcorn into Kyuhyun’s grasp. While his lover looked at him uncomprehending, he lifts the fingers again and inserts them with the popcorn into his mouth.

Kyuhyun gasped as he felt Siwon suck on his fingers, pulling the slender digits out and pushing them in again, pumping his own mouth repeatedly. The sexual implications were enhanced by the smoky look Siwon is giving him. To his surprise, pleasurable ache pools between his legs. Kyuhyun lowered his head, face flushing hot when his fingers are freed of Siwon’s mouth. Before he could raise his head to shoot Siwon a look of disappointment, Siwon’s hand has landed softly on his lap and swiftly palmed his groin, massaging it ever so slowly.

This time Kyuhyun had difficulty keeping his gasp silent. A few people sitting around them turned in annoyance and he reddened in embarrassment.

Must be the full moon or something….Siwon mused happily at how responsive Kyuhyun is tonight.

“This movie is boring. Shall we leave and look for something fun?” Siwon whispered teasingly into Kyuhyun’s ear. The smaller man’s head snapped up in surprise and Siwon gave him the best ‘come hither’ look he can muster, giving his palm another squeeze on the other’s groin which he noted is becoming kinda hard. He smiled roguishly when Kyuhyun realized that he knows.

Kyuhyun nodded in silence and they made their way out hurriedly. Outside, Siwon pulled him towards the nearest hourly rated motel. The lengthy check in process cool Kyuhyun down a little but the moment he found himself flung onto the bed and being straddle by a man who is openly displaying his lust, parts of his body began to ache with need again.

Siwon began unbuttoning Kyuhyun’s shirt. Pulling the obstructive cloth aside, he lowers himself to the silky soft neck, biting and sucking. Kyuhyun hissed and moaned, writhing beneath the taller man, his fingers clawing at his back. Nuzzling behind his ear, hot breath ghosting over his ear, Kyuhyun felt himself quiver as if a chill is blowing at him. Siwon continued his ministrations on his chest while unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants.

“Won…..clothes……” Kyuhyun murmurs urgent with need to feel his lover’s warm flesh in his hands. Siwon obeyed, throwing off every piece of his clothing allowing his lover to hold his erection in his hand and began pumping him with practiced strokes.

“Nggghh….” Siwon grasps as he stiffens immediately. Mindful that he is unable to return the favor, he drops closer and took Kyuhyun’s bottom lip between his teeth, tugging at it and sucking it, his tongue piston in and out of his mouth savoring the sweetness within.

“Let me ~” Siwon heard Kyuhyun whisper. With a last mauling of his swollen lips, he pull apart and watches with amazement as his lover slips him in between his lips. Starting slow, the pace gradually grew frenzied with Siwon losing control. Climaxing, he poured his all into his lover’s mouth. Kyuhyun choked but swallowed bravely with tears stinging his eyes. Finally flaccid again, Kyuhyun released him and he quickly went to him, kissing him and tasting himself.

“Won….?” Siwon opens his eyes drowsily.

“Yes, baby?”

“Ca-can we try…..” Kyuhyun chews his bottom lip nervously.

“Try wh ~ Are you sure, baby?” Siwon’s eyes are wide open with surprise, delight and worry.

Kyuhyun is paler than usual, and he is twisting a corner of the bedcovers uneasily but his eyes shone with certainty as he looked at him.

"You know I will like nothing more than to see you enjoy making love with me, baby. We’ll go slow, if you are not comfortable tell me and we’ll stop, ok?”

“Ok.” Kyuhyun mutters unsurely.

Siwon climb onto his lover and they exchanged a look of agreement before he starts. He reminds himself not to be put off by the cold and shaking body in his arms which is pretty unresponsive at this point of time.

This is not about me enjoying the process but Kyuhyun overcoming his fears.

The usual foreplay did nothing to loosen Kyuhyun up. If anything it only made him even more apprehensive. Siwon went on undaunted, determined to help his lover no matter how long it is going to take. Keeping his ministrations gentle and non-intrusive, he kept reading the signs and hoping for a breakthrough. Gradually Kyuhyun stopped trembling and began responding; fingernails digging into Siwon’s back, body raised in a slight arc accompanied his shaky sigh, and the obvious erection pushing against his Siwon’s.

At this point it is getting a lot harder for Siwon to slow himself down. Reaching down between them, he took his lover into his hand nervously. Meeting no protestation, he began the pumping action too. He was stunned at how sensitive Kyuhyun is as his young lover let out a guttural moan and came in his hand a minute later. He continued milking him dry as the last wave of his orgasm ebbed.

The abruptness of his orgasm knocked him out completely and he came to only a minute later to Siwon stroking his sweat-soaked forehead worriedly.

“Are you feeling ok, baby?” Siwon asks anxiously stroking his cold cheek.

“I-I’m ok…..” Kyuhyun replied still shaken by the intensity of his orgasm. He tried a weak smile at Siwon and the taller man smiled back a bit ashen in the face.

“That’s some breakthrough, huh?” Siwon grinned brightly. Kyuhyun smiled back and nodded.

“Do you want to continue?” Siwon asks gazing tenderly at his lover.

Kyuhyun hesitated for a moment before nodding bravely. That did not reassure Siwon completely. He stroked the other’s face for a while more allowing the younger man to change his mind. However, Kyuhyun did not chicken out. In fact it seems that he is garnering all his courage to face the challenge head on.

@

Kyuhyun enters the consultation room. His gait still speaks of someone lacking in confidence to face the world. His eyes darted a bit too wildly speaking of the tremendous amount of stress he is suppressing inside him.

The man inside the room observed his patient quietly. Their progress has been slow in the uptake but there is no sense in rushing if the patient is not ready. But Kyuhyun had announced during their last session that he is ready.

“Good morning, Dr. Lee.” Kyuhyun greeted politely as he took his place on the black leather couch opposite the sitting psychologist.

“Good morning, Kyuhyun. How are you today?”

Kyuhyun’s face brightened slightly. “I’m feeling fine.”

“That is good news.” The psychologist agrees. “Shall we talk a little about what you accomplished since we last met?”

‘Yes please!” Kyuhyun seems raring to go.

“That’s ok. Why don’t you start now?”

“We were planning on watching a movie last night but ended up necking in the cinema. So we left and Won brought me to one of those hourly rated motel nearby.”

“I see. Were you feeling anxious?” The psychologist is not surprised at Siwon’s spontaneity. Kyuhyun had told him enough for him to expect that.

“Actually no. None of those anxiety attacks I used to have whenever Won touched me.” Kyuhyun became thoughtful. “We started making out as usual and he came really quickly.”

“And you? Did you reach a climax too?”

“N-no…..” Kyuhyun lowered his head for a moment as if to mourn that fact.

“What happened next?” The doctor prompted not allowing his patient to wallow too long.

“I-I told Won that I want to go fu-further.” Kyuhyun said diffidently. The other raised his brow in surprise for a fleeting second. “And he gave me a handjob…….and I came……my orgasm was so intensed that I blacked out for a few minutes.”

“That sounds like a good beginning.”

“I didn’t know I was so sensitive….that I will cum so fa-fast…..” Kyuhyun mutters almost inaudibly.

The doctor frowned. “Did Siwon make any comments about that?”

“N-no no he did not. He was worried that I lost consciousness….that’s all.”

“But you are feeling negative about cumming fast?”

“Well I……No….I…….” Kyuhyun stammers nervously. “It happened so fast. I am sure Won wasn’t even aroused…..and it’s…….”

“I believe Siwon is aware that that was your moment solely. He will want to make sure you enjoy it fully.”

“You don’t know that.” Kyuhyun sounds sad and defeated.

“That’s why I have always encouraged you to bring Siwon along during your therapy sessions. You will be able to talk over these things with him here.” Dr. Lee explains gently.

Silence fell in the room. Kyuhyun would not talk further and the doctor allowed him the time and space to re-gather himself without any more stress.

When Kyuhyun first walked into his office for his first therapy, he was very high strung from large amount of stress he could not handle gracefully. Alternating between whispering absently and crying, it took him a couple of sessions more to calm down. Choi Siwon, his lover, occupied almost all of their conversations and the psychologist concludes that he is the source of Kyuhyun’s current stress load.

“He is the most wonderful man. He is so giving, and understanding, and silly.” Kyuhyun said with a twinkle in his eye. “And I want to reciprocate everything he has given me. But ~

“B-but I can’t….I have nothing to give in return. I am damaged.

"He deserves perfection. I am so imperfect, so empty, so worthless…..”

"We did it.”

Dr. Lee startled out of his reverie. Kyuhyun’s voice was so soft he wonders if he really heard him speak.

"I’m sorry? What did you do, Kyuhyun?”

“I asked Won to make love to me.” The young patient continues to worry his cuticles. “I asked him to enter me…..

“Won did not want to. He said I had enough excitement for one day. But I insisted.

“And then he…..he……I…..I…….” Dr Lee sprung up grabbing the tissue box along the way. He’s by Kyuhyun’s side just as the first tear fell.

Allowing the crying to go on for as long as needed, he sat back into his chair to wait. Gradually the tears stopped and Kyuhyun looked up at his therapist with a apologetic look.

“I couldn’t do it…..” Kyuhyun shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself tightly as if he’s feeling cold. “It hu-hurts….hurts so ba-bad……

“I screamed over and over again.” Kyuhyun said through clattering teeth. He pulled his arms tighter and managed to make himself look smaller, more vulnerable.

“What did Siwon say?” The psychologist prompts again.

“Won did not say anything. He tried to comfort me but I couldn’t stop crying.” Kyuhyun said gravely. “It’s stupid, all that crying. I wanted to stop but the tears just kept coming, and the need to wail.” Kyuhyun said suddenly angry. He raised his head and stare straight into his therapist’s eyes. “I wailed. I wailed and wailed and wailed.”

“That’s perfectly normal. You have so much sadness inside you. You need to get it out.”

Kyuhyun shook his head at the well-meaning advice. “I saw the fear on Won’s face……he’s scared of me…….he’s scared……he’s….he’s……”

The doctor is alert to his patient losing control and possibly bordering on hysteria. “You need to calm down, Kyuhyun.” He suggests forcefully, noting the breathlessness and diluted pupils. “Kyuhyun, calm down.”

“I…..I……” Kyuhyun hyperventilated helplessly, fingers reaching out for support. The doctor caught his hand and held it while waiting the anxiety attack out together.

“Are you feeling better now?” Kyuhyun nodded weakly at the question. “Would you like me to put you under light hypnosis to remove some of that anxiety?” Again Kyuhyun nodded. “Alright then.”

Kyuhyun lay inert on the therapy couch. His body tensed, his fingers clenched tight into fists. Listening to the soft suggestions uttered by his therapist, his fists began unfurling and his body sagged slightly. Eyelids heavy and droopy but not quite closed, his pupils glazed over and staring into nothingness.

The droning went on. He could no longer make any sense of the words, just appreciating the feeling of calm enveloping him. He felt warmth on him, like the morning sunshine.

“BALL!!!” Dr. Lee flinched at the sudden scream. He forced his voice to remain steady and calm but Kyuhyun’s shout has already fazed him. To his dismay Kyuhyun began to weep. Abandoning his plan to go further, he tries to bring the sobbing young man out of hypnosis but no matter how hard he tries, Kyuhyun’s consciousness remained heavily suppressed as he confront his monsters reluctantly. The doctor began to panic as he whispers softly into Kyuhyun’s ears trying to make himself heard over the loud weeping.

Then the weeping stopped abruptly. “Kyuhyun.” The eyes peeled opened tediously. “Kyuhyun.”

Eyelids peeled open wider and the doctor moved forward to help his patient sit up. Kyuhyun still looked quite dazed but his senses are returning. “What happened?” he asks woozily.

“We went too deep into hypnosis. Your defences are low today.”

“I thought I saw my childhood before I was 9….”

“The part when you lost your memory?”

“Yes….”

“You shouted the word ‘ball’ just now.”

“Ball?” Kyuhyun squints thoughtfully.